I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
