I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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