I think I won the penis lottery.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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