Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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