i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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