Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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