From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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