when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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