once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize