Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
