definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
