Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
