Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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