hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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