You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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