idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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