Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
