Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I am midnight drunk by noon
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
