Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
