He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
