That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
