I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm like, not good at living.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
