You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
