About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
