She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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