Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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