3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
