You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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