Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
That accounts for only three of the penises
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
