guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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