Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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