I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
