Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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