Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
