Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
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It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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