I didn't shave. On purpose
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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