I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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