if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Randomize
