Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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