soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
