his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
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He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
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I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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