So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
two words...techno handjob
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
