Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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