pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
