Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
