and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Are we still banned from the library?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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