i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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