do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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