Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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