yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
