GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
