so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
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I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
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