No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
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Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
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That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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