so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
