lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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