So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
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he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
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So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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