just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Randomize
