i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
