you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
