So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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