they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
