I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize