mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
