things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
