It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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