Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
