I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
