And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
