is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
