Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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