this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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