There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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