so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
