Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My bed smells like the plague
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
