I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
