walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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