Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
