Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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