she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Someone shit on the floor
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
