you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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