the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize