I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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