just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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